"What the fuck!? That is some high-lair-ious, freaky shit, Laura." Her laughter dissolved in a fit of coughing. Laura fetched her a glass of water as Beth attempted to dislodge the chunk of flapjack from her windpipe. It took half a glass before the colour in her cheeks began to fade and, sounding gravelly, she continued: "Why don't you just let him try it?" Beth smiled at the look of shock on Laura's face. "Oh come on, it's not as if it'll fit. He'll just spend half an hour pressing it against your butthole, before he's forced to concede it's not going to happen. Maybe that'll be enough to get him over it."Laura thought about this for the rest of the afternoon. Finally, as she was riding the bus home, she took out her phone and started a text message to Kristian. Y-E-SThey arranged to meet at his place later that evening. Kristian lived in a trendy converted warehouse. The interior looked to Laura like a shaky compromise between an artistic commune and a crack house. Kristian had. It was 4:00. SHIT SHIT SHIT! I was supposed to be at her house at 4:30 and I hadn’t even looked at the address yet. I unfolded the paper and realized that her house was only a 5 minute walk from mine. Still with a sense of urgency, I showered, put on extra deodorant (just in case), and got dressed. I was wearing silk underwear (oh yeah, that’s how I roll) cargo shorts over them, a black Quiksilver t-shirt with a white undershirt under it, and black athletic ankle socks and tennis shoes. I was looking pretty straight if I do say so myself. I then put on some of my Hugo Boss cologne, shaved and was ready to go. As I was leaving I checked the clock, 4:32. Good, I thought, I’ll be fashionably late.As I was walking to Helens house, it appears I took a wrong turn, because I arrived around the back of her house. Her house was pretty freaking big, it was at least three stories, solid red brick, just a beautiful house. There was a 6 ft wooden fence around her back yard, and I started to climb.
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